 | In Stillness is the Key, Ryan Holiday offers methods to cultivate stillness and serenity to “survive and thrive in any and every environment no matter how loud or busy.” The author draws on the teachings of Stoicism, Daoism, and Buddhism, among other traditions, to illustrate key concepts. The book is divided into three sections: mind, spirit, and body, with techniques for cultivating serenity in each area. The text is well-written, making the author’s reasoning easy to follow and understand, and he uses fascinating examples throughout to highlight his core arguments, adding to the book’s narrative vitality. |
The real-world stories he uses to illustrate his ideas were enlightening: John F. Kennedy finding a sane solution to the Cuban missile crisis, Winston Churchill cultivating solace in painting and bricklaying during WWII, Fred Rogers swimming laps to foster serenity, Anne Frank finding beauty amidst hardship. He also cites cautionary tales: Michael Jordan tainting his Hall of Fame induction with resentment, Tiger Woods acting out sexually and undermining his career, Joan Rivers staying booked for fear of being forgotten.
My favorite quote from the section on mental stillness:
“People who don’t read have no advantage over people who can’t read.”
Journaling is recommended as a way to ask tough questions, such as:
“Ask yourself at every moment, Is this necessary?”
This reminds me of a favorite slogan to dissipate urgency: Does this need to be done? Does it need to be done by me? Does it need to be done now?
“People who don’t read have no advantage over people who can’t read.”
Journaling is recommended as a way to ask tough questions, such as:
- Where am I standing in my own way?
- What is the harder choice I’m avoiding?
- How will today’s difficulties reveal my character?
“Ask yourself at every moment, Is this necessary?”
This reminds me of a favorite slogan to dissipate urgency: Does this need to be done? Does it need to be done by me? Does it need to be done now?
 | And the author warns against getting locked into specific outcomes: “If we aim for the trophy in life—be it recognition or wealth or power—we’ll miss the target. If we aim too intensely for the target . . . we will neglect the process and art required to hit it. What we should be doing is practicing [in the present moment].” |
For spiritual stillness, the author recommends:
“When we’re going into a tough assignment, we can say to ourselves over and over again, Strength and courage. Before a tough conversation with a significant other: Patient and kindness.”
To heal the wounds of childhood he quotes Garry Shandling: “Give what you didn’t get.”
- Develop a strong moral compass.
- Practice gratitude and appreciation for the world around us.
- Cultivate relationships and love in our lives.
- Place belief and control in the hands of something larger than ourselves.
- Understand that there will never be “enough” and that the unchecked pursuit of more ends only in bankruptcy.
“When we’re going into a tough assignment, we can say to ourselves over and over again, Strength and courage. Before a tough conversation with a significant other: Patient and kindness.”
To heal the wounds of childhood he quotes Garry Shandling: “Give what you didn’t get.”
 | He addressed the work required of healthy relationships: “Being close to and connecting with other people challenges every facet of our soul. . . . A good relationship requires us to be virtuous, faithful, present, empathetic, generous, open, and willing to be part of a larger whole. It requires, in order to create growth, real surrender. . . . But rising to this challenge—even attempting to rise to it—transforms us . . . if we let it.” |
The author also explored the Stoic concept of sympatheia, the “mutual interdependence and relatedness of all things, past, present, and future.” In this mindset, “everyone is necessary. Even the people you don’t like. Even the ones who really piss you off. Even the people wasting their lives, cheating, or breaking the rules are part of the larger equation. We can appreciate—or at least sympathize with—them, rather than try to fight or change them. . . . To understand all is to forgive all. To love all is to be at peace with all. Including yourself.”
The chapter on spiritual desire was especially meaningful to me:
 | “We were not put on this planet to be worker bees, compelled to perform some function over and over again for the cause of the hive until we die. Nor do we 'owe it' to anyone to keep doing, doing, doing—not our fans, not our followers, not our parents who have provided so much for us, not even for our families. Killing ourselves does nothing for anybody.” “If you believe there is ever some point where you will feel like you’ve “made it,” when you’ll finally be good, you are in for an unpleasant surprise. " |
"You will never feel okay by way of external accomplishments. Enough comes from the inside. . . . From seeing what you already have, what you’ve always had.”
In the section on cultivating stillness in the body, the author introduces the Daoist concept of wu wei, or effortless action; the ability to wait for the right moment rather than trying to force a solution. For example, waiting for the perfect pitch in baseball/softball rather than swinging out of impatience.
 | Part of cultivating physical serenity is not stretching ourselves too thin: “You have to be still enough to discover what’s really going on. You have to let the muddy water settle. That can’t happen if you’re jetting off from one place to another, if you’re packing your schedule with every activity you can think of in order to avoid the possibility of having to spend even a moment alone with your own thoughts.” “In every situation, ask: Do I need it? Do I want it? What are the hidden costs? If I never knew about it at all—if the request was lost in the mail, if they hadn’t asked me—would I even notice that I missed out?” And be willing to say “No.” |
This is the only body we get and it’s to our benefit to take good care of it:
“The overworked person creates a crisis that they try to solve by working harder. Mistakes are piled upon mistakes by the exhausted, delirious mind. The more they try, the worse it gets . . . everyone functions better when well-rested.”
“The overworked person creates a crisis that they try to solve by working harder. Mistakes are piled upon mistakes by the exhausted, delirious mind. The more they try, the worse it gets . . . everyone functions better when well-rested.”
The book closes with these thoughts:
“None of us are long for this world. Death hangs over us all . . . Most of this book has been about how to live well. But in so doing, it is also about how to die well. Because they are the same thing. . . .
We must learn to think rationally and clearly about our own fate.
We must find spiritual meaning and goodness while we are alive.
We must treat the vessel we inhabit on this planet well—or we will be forced to abandon it early.”
“None of us are long for this world. Death hangs over us all . . . Most of this book has been about how to live well. But in so doing, it is also about how to die well. Because they are the same thing. . . .
We must learn to think rationally and clearly about our own fate.
We must find spiritual meaning and goodness while we are alive.
We must treat the vessel we inhabit on this planet well—or we will be forced to abandon it early.”
I've highlighted just a few of the many treasures to be found in Stillness is the Key. Highly recommended.
Read other books to inspire your best self: What Makes a Hero, How to be an Anti-Racist,
Say the Right Thing, The Art & Science of Connection
Say the Right Thing, The Art & Science of Connection
