Writing Craft: The Joy of Writing Sex by Elizabeth Benedict

     The Joy of Writing Sex: A Guide for Fiction Writers bursts with actionable advice and insightful examples. 
     Throughout, the author stresses that sex scenes, like all fictional scenes, must serve a story purpose and should be driven by the “needs, impulses, and histories of your characters.”  
     She notes:  “A good sex scene is not always about good sex, but it is always an example of good writing.”  And should include some type of conflict: between the lovers, with outsiders, within the setting, or between the lovers and society (Romeo and Juliet).  A character wanting something their partner refuses (or is unable) to give them defines dramatic conflict.

     The sex scene is usually more interesting if something goes wrong or leaves the lovers “angry, empty, still yearning, or unequally fulfilled when it’s over.”

     Because sex can strip us of our defenses, it can reveal vulnerable emotions: 
     “What makes sex so powerful an urge is our desire to connect with another human being.  .  .  . 
​     .  .  .  You long for an unfamiliar heartbeat against your skin but what you often get is someone else’s heartache, someone colder and more distant than the warm body you sought, or someone as fragile and needy as you are.” 
     And the needier characters are to connect, the “more interesting their disappointment and its aftermath can be.”

     One of the more interesting tips was on including different surprise twists in sex scenes:

1. Action Surprise.  An event that shifts our attention from the sex act, such as the bed collapsing (true story!), another character coming home unexpectedly, etc.
2. Dialogue Surprise.  Speech that shifts our focus away from predictable sex mechanics, such as a mistress/lover asking about an adulterer’s spouse, or an off-the-wall question.
3. Distraction Surprise.  Such as the noise of a child in the next room, an intrusive memory, entrancing dust motes in a shaft of sunlight.
4. Insight Surprise.  When a character has a revelation or epiphany during sex.
5. Language Surprise. Unusual word choice or metaphors that encourage the reader to think about sex in a new way.  Often includes highly specific details:  “She tasted like frybread—thick, smoked, and fat-rich on my tongue.” 

     In general, a well-written sex scene should be about much more than sex; it should connect  “to the total package of your characters’ needs and wants and to the larger story.”

     The book includes a chapter on smoothly incorporating safe sex techniques:  “the details should enhance the story in some way: by helping create dramatic tension and/or revealing something about the relationship, the culture, and the characters.” 
     The text also covers the specific gifts and challenges of illicit sex, married sex, casual sex, first-time sex, and solo sex (masturbation). 

     The colorful examples of effective sex scenes were one of the book’s biggest delights:
          “He moved in and out hard at first, making my head hit against the headboard.  I wouldn’t have minded, except I was scared I might get knocked out, and then I’d miss the most important part; but that didn’t happen.”    --The Floating World, Cynthia Radohata
          Then I feel like I’m laughing between my legs, and the laughing gets all mixed up with the colors and I’m afraid I’ll come, and afraid I won’t.  But I know I will.  And I do.  And it be rainbow all inside.  And it lasts and lasts and lasts.    --The Bluest Eye, Toni Morrison
          “. . . we spent our time together entirely in darkness, for we couldn’t turn on the room light, and we barely saw each other, except for what we could make out in the dim light from the motel sign outside falling through the blinds: rose-colored profiles, the curve of a thigh or shoulder, a breast, a knee.    --The Sweet Hereafter, Russel Banks
          “I tell him how brave he is, taking such a chance.  So are you, he says, we’re illegal up here, you know.  Not ‘it’s’ illegal but ‘we’re’ illegal.  He is so lonely, so very lonely, you can taste the need on his skin.”   
​      —“Contact,” John Lonie

     According to the author, “All you need to know as you begin to write a sex scene is what one character’s expectations are.  Conflict sets in when the other character can’t or won’t give her what she wants.”
     “The best sex scenes arise from the needs, histories, and compulsions of your characters.  [When writing] Include well-defined, clearly motivated characters, plenty of details, at least a little conflict, a few surprises, and dialogue where necessary.”
     Ideally, the encounter will have a lasting impact on the point-of-view character and the plot. 

     The Joy of Writing Sex: A Guide for Fiction Writers was first published in 1996 and the text is dated.  Although the author includes LGBTQ+ voices and examples, her default is a heterosexual couple.  She also frequently references what she assumes will be a universal aversion to writing about sex in general and masturbation in particular. 
     Despite these quaint limitations, the book provides enough substance for writers looking for guidance on crafting compelling sex scenes. The book served as a reference for a Writer's Digest course I took, "Let's Write About Sex, Baby!" by Katrina Kittle. 

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Read more helpful targeted writing advice: Writing the Other, The Emotional Craft of Fiction,
The Fire in Fiction, Dialogue, Crafting Emotional Resonance, Scene Architecture

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